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***Wimbledon*** · 07-23-2010, 09:29 AM

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/featur...07#slide=1

Brett Berk Wrote:

MINI COOPER/DORMOUSE

Big-eyed, fleet-footed, and able to fit between or under anything, this cute micro makes whizzing through city traffic feel like you’re little Jerry out-running that chronic underperformer, Tom the cat.

CITICAR/YELLOW-EYED OWL

One is a glorified golf cart that may be the most-produced all-electric car in American history. The other is a carnivorous raptor that subsists on baby bunnies. Both move about with a stealthy silence that belies their size and insane appearance.

MITSUBISHI LANCER RALLIART/DOBERMAN PINSCHER

That whole bark/bite dichotomy is negated by this pair, as the boisterous Lancer sinks its teeth into the pavement in much the same way a yelping pinscher chomps a poodle, or a mail carrier’s calf.

Like a battery-powered roadster, these industrious little burrowers are good for the environment, loosening compacted soil and channeling rain water with their tunnels. Both specialize in fast drives through the desert, though you need to harness at least 11 dozen prairie dogs to really get going, while it takes only one Tesla.

HYUNDAI GENESIS COUPE/RED PANDA

These maroon tree-dwelling mammals are not found in Korea, unlike their vehicular counterparts, which hail from the peninsula’s southern half. However, both feature startling rotational tenacity, squishy interiors, and a dorky-sinister smile.

LINCOLN MKS/WALRUS

The walrus is famous for being immense, powerful, and oddly lugubrious, and for having a mouth that looks like Wilford Brimley after nine hours of cunnilingus. Ditto the Lincoln.

NISSAN CUBE/BULLDOG

This is sort of a cheap shot, as the Nissan designers claimed that their inspiration for the Cube’s design was “a bulldog wearing sunglasses.” But since I have no idea what that’s meant to imply, I thought it was O.K. to go literal here.

MORGAN AERO 8/RACCOON

I had a neighbor who’d converted his old Morgan to run on natural gas, which happens to be a byproduct of the decomposing trash upon which raccoons feed. If that’s not enough of a connection, both have serial-killer faces.

VOLVO C30/CLIFFORD

Volvos are inherently correlated with educated Northeastern liberals, as is PBS, home of a cartoon concerning the life of this giant, moronic red dog. Neither has anything to do with Laura Bush.

FORD FLEX/RIGHT WHALE

Either of these blunt-nosed behemoths would work as a decent carrier for all your kids and crap if you’re too “butch” to be caught driving a minivan, but the Flex is slightly easier to navigate around the parking lot at Target. (The whale is better at consuming copepods and krill.)